i shouldn’t expect anything from anyone.
when i’m alone with You, God, You know my heartaches, my sadness, my brokeness.
You understand me and would never look down at me.
You will never leave me or forsaken me.
You always will pursue me and may I always pursue You.
moments like this, I wish I wasn’t a light sleeper.
may my heart and soul be filled with God’s lullabies,
so I can greet Him early in the morning<3
(Source: ploppen)
I’m drowning, I’m drowning
this sea is too deep for my toes to touch
I’m reaching out, reaching out
the raging waves are simply too much
I need your hand, need your hand
but you’re on the shore calling for help
calling for others to come and rescue me
You swam and I’m drowning by myself
Can’t you hear my silent screams?
But you set your sights on the sand
While I breathe in the wet salt
You keep your feet on the dry land
I just needed you, needed you.
i just want someone there to protect me,
protect me from the demons that are telling me lies.
i’ve felt like this for so long.. i missed you dearly.
hopefully today was the beginning of something new?
i hope comfort won’t be the thing that stops us.
i am so much more touchy-feely than you.. sorry. HAHAHA and no worries, i won’t stop. be you, i wouldn’t want you to be anyone else.
i love ya for a reason, you know?
the media portrays many, many Christians as haughty, arrogant, stupid, irrational, archaic, self-righteous, condemning, not forward thinking individuals.
and this ranges from politicians to the movies & tv shows portraying “Jesus Freaks.”
while the media portrays many gays as hilarious, wonderful, kind, confident, loving, forward-thinking individuals.
now if we switched those characteristics with the other, wouldn’t there be a considerable backlash? and why is that so strange?
before you bash on another group of people, please do consider that everyone is human, everyone is fighting a battle. no one is perfect. everyone has their flaws and faults. whether they are christian, non-christian, gay, straight, black, white and everything in between, we are all at the end of the day humans.
please do understand, i will not be ashamed of Christ. not because i am holy or righteous or think everything is sunshine and rainbows because of God, but because i know i am weak. i am broken. i am so helpless. i know i need God, so desperately.
He sees me in all of my humanity and LOVES me.
He is my identity. I above all else am a Christ-follower, a daughter of God.
Even if you do not agree with me, please do respect who I am.
things change. people change. circumstances change.
thankfully i can always look up and see my God that never changes.
one fact that some people might not know;
i love books.
the way books smell. the way books feel. i love absorbing and living in the different realities for a second. i love the way authors weave words to create whimsical worlds and characters. i love how books are a catalase for my imagination and how wild it runs. i love the interesting characters and seeing their relationships with each other and their worlds. i love books and they love me. they comforted me when i was young. they held my hands during the hard times. they made me curious about life. they taught me to love life, to love beauty, to love goodness, to love love. they have shaped much of me.
…and to go ahead and violate a book that i love makes me very upset. a book that has blessed me in so many different ways. a book that God used to teach me things; the joy of obedience, the joys of marriage, to shield light on the shadows, of false idolatry, and how God has filled me with true life and freedom. a book that i use for my quality time with God. a book when i read it, the Holy Spirit fills me and gives me revelations and convictions in my walk with God. a book that brought me closer and more intimately in love with God. a book that belongs to one of my beloved sister who recommended me this book because of the blessings she’s receive from it. a book that is dear not only to me, but to her as well.
i forgive you, but it still hurts.
i stopped drinking. i stopped partying. i stopped cussing.
i stopped worrying. i stopped feeling so lonely. i stopped feeling empty. i stopped trying to hide my true feelings. i stopped trying to build walls around my friends. i stopped having that need to have a man in my life. i stopped trying to look at the negatives. i stopped being so irrational, prideful, stubborn, and shameful. i stopped doubting the goodness in all people. i stopped being so self-centered and pitying myself. i stopped vomiting and doing things i wouldn’t have done if i was sober. i stopped being so self-conscience. i stopped being depressed. i stopped having regrets.
i started to value what sex really means. i started to understand the meaning of life. i started see something beyond this world. i started to see beyond my own happiness and selfishness. i started to laugh more. i started to see more of the beauty in the world. i started to appreciate others more. i started to see my potential. i started to see my purpose. i started to see the big picture. i started to be less sad. i started to cry less. i started to smile more often. i started to see people’s inner beauty & brokenness. i started to become more selfless. i started to be more humble. i started to be healed of my brokenness. i started to see how judgmental i really am. i started to see how blessed i really am. i started to see the changes i needed to make in my life. i started making true friendships.
friendships where we have been vulnerable with each other, where we encourage and build each other up, where we have cried together over our brokenness, where we make each other laugh until our stomachs have hurt, where there is little judgement and much acceptance, where shame and guilt can be shared and released, where anything and everything can be discussed, where we lift our hearts and hands in prayer for each other, where we love each other as sisters and brothers.
i learned what unconditional, true, pure love is.
i found all things good;
i found God.
